Judgement: A Path into the Shadow
Calling our shadowy parts back into the light
I was at peace, but now another person has threatened that peace. Someone has done something that bothers me and the perpetrator is non the wiser. It was a characteristic in them, a sentence, an action, a trait that makes me cringe and squirm inside. It brings forth a disharmony in my body that quickly transmutes itself into judgement.
But why do I react so? This is just phenomena happening in the world. It is merely life’s actors playing out their endless scenes. Why do I let these petty things cause such discord within me? I am effectively allowing a foreign event to disrupt the peace on my home soil. But maybe this serves as a sign. Something tells me I should be inquisitive about this, that maybe I could shed some light on something that is in the dark.
I think in reality these outside things affect me because unconsciously I see a part of myself in them. That foreign occurrence might not be so foreign after all. A shadowy and dark aspect of my unconscious psyche projects some part of me onto the person in question. The projection is whisked up without my conscious intent. It is summoned by the mirror image of its own flaw which is exhibited by the perpetrator in question.
Long ago however, I myself was the perpetrator of this bothersome characteristic, but this was before I discovered that it was not acceptable. Something happened that made me turn my back on this way of being. A judgement, a criticism, was cast on me by another, the very same judgement that has now self replicated itself in me.
Take on enough judgements and criticisms and the entirety of your core belief system can be affected. You just may begin to believe what you are being told. Inadequacy creeps in, and it won’t be long before you stifle your strivings in life to meet this belief. Eventually, the sacred mirror of the human psyche will begin to reflect these beliefs on others. And so the generational baton of pain is passed to the next promising sprinter.
So, there I was without a care in the world, acting how I was acting because it felt right, because it flowed out of me unhindered at the time. But a callous remark bites into me and now I am fragmented. I don’t want to feel that cold biting sensation ever again, so, whatever I was doing must go. This part of me is detained and is repressed. It is exiled to the shadowy and quiet corners of my mind, locked away forever.
I banished this part of me as a defence mechanism, as a way to escape, as a way to feel safe again. Now the only time it rears its sulking head is when I see another displaying the same characteristic. This fragmented and banished aspect of me is triggered and a cloud of disgust rises from the gloom and seeks to hijack my operating system. The shadow, albeit cowled in its own unconsciousness, is exposed for a moment.
All my life I have been walking around judging others as if I was so righteous and removed from whatever I was observing, but in reality it was my own judgement of myself all along.
I swing the sword of righteousness but it cuts my own.
In a funny way we are more alike to those we judge and hate upon than we realise. The aspect of you that you do not like confesses itself in your bitter projections towards others. Like it or not, when you cast the righteous judgement, it is your shadows bidding.
The shadow is an archetype that represents the “darker side” of the human psyche, which may comprise anything (e.g., a trait, desire, or emotion, whether positive or negative) that is unacceptable to an individual’s conscious ego and as such remains unexpressed and hidden in the unconscious.
“I don’t know what came over me” you confess after you say something you don’t mean to your partner. That was an exiled part of yourself, a cry for help in a way. You don’t know who it was who came over you because you banished them, consciously or not. You are not on familiar terms with the perpetrator of the outburst, because they are not integrated into your conscious mind. You were hijacked for a second, and it cost you.
It takes courage to shine a light on this shadow. What is found in the darker corners of the mind can be unsettling. Parts of you dwell here that run opposite to the status quo, against the social norms and expected behaviours that are endowed on you by your caregivers and society at large. But as is the case with most things, there are both positive and negative aspects to these traits. They get stuffed away into the unconscious shadow along with all of their good parts too. And so here they sit in defiance to normalcy, their perhaps vibrant ‘positive’ aspects forgotten along with the unacceptable ‘negative’.
These parts can humble the ego and break down the well illuminated structure that you thought was you, the conscious mind. They can cause a massive readjustment of your sense of self, forcing you to now account for the more quirky and perhaps sinister elements of you. But they are parts of you, and they always will be, no matter how many doors you lock them behind, and they will surface when you see something that mirrors their very traits that you repress.
Ultimately, It’s up to you whether they can come back into the light. To cast judgments is expedient, but it’s comfortable. To remain fractured and splintered is comfortable. To keep these parts under lock and key is comfortable. It requires a lot of effort and inquiry to even identify these parts of you, never mind integrate them back into your conscious mind. Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
So what is the cost of not doing this work? These already exiled parts become more impoverished and more desperate over time. The more you try to sweep these outbursts and judgements under the rug, the more the pile of corruption will grow. The repressed parts become more bitter about their imprisonment, and they will begin to cast their judgements farer and wider than before, disturbing the inner peace more frequently. And as this happens the judgement web will be spun so vast that it will be exceedingly more difficult to get back to the root cause.
So what will the future look like if you continue down this path? Well, in my opinion, bitterness is not concordant with progress. How can you move forward toward your dreams if you are resentful every step of the way? If you squander opportunities because you can’t get over the limited core beliefs which give fuel to your judgments? Can you really afford not to do this work? As has been said: If you do not go within, you go without.
Not doing this work means your potentially colourful whole is stagnated in a diminished grey, riskless in its attempt at growth and without the reward of an authentic coloured expression. When the biting remarks come, when we are told what to think, what to wear, and what to be interested in, our natural rainbow self becomes the lifeless neutral tone of the masses. Your inflorescence of vibrant but thorny wildflowers is cropped to fit in with the homogenous sea of green grass.
What is gained from this shadow work is peace, and that also comes with freedom. Each part brought back into the fold will themselves have traits that you didn’t even know existed. They may unleash a new wave of creativity, or unlock a fervent interest that goes on to bloom into a bountiful career.
Integration of the shadow will bring with it a new wave of acceptance. You will feel more at home with yourself, and there will be less secrets and outbursts. Prejudices that may have formed the basis of a heated argument fall away. Relationships will improve as criticisms dwindle, and a new trust will be formed. Judgements will fade as the dark matter that is being projected dwindles against your ever exploring and expanding conscious light.
As you begin to sew up the wounds of your limiting core beliefs, you will pass on less and less pain to the ones that come next in line. The cycle of generational trauma will fall into remission as you meet your fullest self. When the last of the shadow is shown to the light, there will be no basis to judge another, as you no longer judge yourself for your supposed shortcomings.
It is remarkable what can be gained from being inquisitive about your own scrutinies. Next time you feel the disharmony within, do not look out with hatred and judgement, but look within and be intrigued. Heed the desperate knocking of some far away part of yourself. Feel into how and why an exile of this part took place. Release any cares regarding the unacceptability of their flaws that they were put on trial over so long ago.
Embrace them like a long lost friend, and start to become a little more whole.